December 23, 2014

Farm Happenings

Coyotes-  we had our first "close enough for me" run in with them. I went out for something in the front yard and could hear them howling and yipping.  I thought that's the closest I've ever heard them.  Any other time we can make out their calls, you have to stop and be still to hear the faint distance yelping. But this time, they were HERE.  So I ran to the back and could hear they were near my garden. I did what anyone would do without a gun, and began screaming and yelling "get out!!!!!!! Roooaaaarrr". They got the picture real fast, and because the moon was no where to be found, the view in front of me was black.  They did stop yelping, and I'm assuming ran off. This was scary for two reasons-

1.  We could not see them and my overdramatic mind imagined giant wolves lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us. Only hearing, and not seeing is not a good combo for an overactive imagination.

2.  We thought they had one of the cats.  We aren't to the point where we would be ok finding one of our dead cats in the field, murdered and torn apart. They're all too sweet and nice, except the one feral one who we don't see too often.

Chickens-  they despise laying in the coop, so they lay elsewhere. The newest place we have discovered is in the garage, on an old bed of straw they patted down real nice.  I don't like the chickens.  Through the winter, I'm going to have to get to a better place with the little things, come to some sort of agreement.  Or we could just figure out a way to get an egg mobile tractor.

The puppies will be here for another week and a half. They are a lot of work, but the kids have had a blast and we've learned TONS through the experience. Mostly about parasites. Gross, I know.  Evan will keep his Clara, who we don't think will look like a husky at all someday. And we will be keeping mom too. She's a darling sweet girl who has become Harley's little companion. I'm afraid she'd be one of those older dogs who never gets adopted and ends up euthanized. So here she will stay.

This winter has been lovely so far. Muddy, but tolerable.  Chores have been pleasant and a welcome break from the crazy house.  The best part of the day for me though, is morning. Going out, just at sunrise, the only sound being my boots sloshing through mud, or crunching on frost. Tying Bethel out, and looking off at the horizon, hearing the quiet of the air, or the songs of the few birds left.  The peace hangs so heavy you can feel it seeping into your skin and penetrating your being.  It is my favorite time of day.  Everyone should have a peace, horizon, morning moment.

December 17th 2014 or Jesus wrecked my life

For the past two days, I heard Katie Davis speaking on Family Life Today. I had the pleasure of reading her book a couple years ago and it transformed me, as only a few books have. She is truly an extraordinary young woman, and if you've never heard of her, the google search is well worth it. 

On the show, she had made the statement "Jesus wrecked her life." 

Huge.

This Jesus, who loves us so.  Who sacrificed all for us, who gives all for us?  He wrecks life?  And she went on to talk about how her life was supposed to be the comfy American norm.  Middle class family, limited financial worries, a yellow convertible, college, marriage to the big man on campus and life in suburbia.  But God molded her heart to another life, the life following Him.  This Jesus life of Katie Davis looked like this- a resident of Uganda, in a small modest home, with 13 little children that called her mommy. And not just a mommy to 13, but a single mommy to 13. 

And I've been thinking and convicted and wrestling.  Has Jesus wrecked my life?  Really, where are my sacrifices?  I'm living this gift of a farm dream.  I have a cow, and a great husband and 3 darling children.  We have more than most and seem to be comfortable, using the perspective of the world.  Am I doing enough?  Are we doing enough?  Not everyone is called to drop the life, and go live in Uganda, I get that, but where is my sacrifice?

To find it I had to delve into a place I don't like to visit very often.  The most selfish of self centered places in my heart.  It's an ugly place, a place where its all about me.  Where I'm the only one served, and where nothing but regret and regression flow out of.  So I visited that place, only for a short while, and I got to see what my life without Jesus would be like.  First of all, I would love a career.  I would love a job that I could pour myself into that I was great at, all by myself, no Jesus needed.  I could feel like a winner instead of a failure every night that I hit the sheets.  I would love to buy things for myself daily, go shopping just for the fun of it.  Browse stores and stock up on things that a family doesn't need but that I really want.  Like yarn, and fabric, and crafty stuff.  And I want a wardrobe of clothes that consists of more than 4 intermittent outfits, and more than 1 pair of shoes.  I want a brand new pair of comfy socks to wear every day, and gobs and gobs of granny underwear.  I want someone to come and clean my house daily for me, cook all the meals and yes, the most important, do my laundry, including putting it away!!!

And I have to stop there, because it makes me almost throw up in my mouth. As I went through these things, these things that may seem normal to some, and definitely ok to some, they were just not what Jesus had called my life to. 

But what had Jesus called my life to? And it was then I saw, how he had wrecked my life. 

My day consists of chores with animals, big and small because it is what my children thrive on.  They all have hearts for animals, they're passion is animals, and because of the fostering and farming, we have quite a few.  Morning chores alone is a quiet time for me, and has become a gift.  Through picking up pee and poop from a variety of living creatures, burning incense and lighting candles constantly to remove the stink from my house, and feeding and watering the living beings we are responsible for, I have a quiet time.  A quiet time to myself, a productive time, doing something meaningful.

And then the shift of the day goes to planning. Sometimes a shower gets thrown in there, but its very unpredictable.  The planning of school, the planning of meals, the planing of spirits and souls under my wing.  Planning chores, and lunches, menu plans and grocery lists, needs and wants lists.  And then it all goes on the board in the big kitchen.

The day truly begins as little ones emerge from beds and want nothing more to do than feed their own selfish sinful desires.  They want what they want, they want to do what they want to do, and then for the next 12 hours, I wrestle with flesh and grace.  I inhale grace, I absorb grace, I survive on it, but exhaling it and letting it seep from my pores to these little ones is a fleshy challenge. 

Truly, truly, I realized that Jesus had wrecked my life, when I remembered the anticipation the day before, of beginning to make dinner.  I was attempting Chinese.  I had scoured recipes, found my ingredients, and I couldn't wait to cook up this meal and feed my family, nourish them with something delicious.  .  I remember looking at the clock constantly thinking- "Is it time?  Is it time to start dinner?"  It was the high point of my day.  I repeat, the HIGH point of my day, the thing I could only mutter out of my mouth to Doug was the dinner that we were going to have that night. 

This is my life.

There are small moments like these, where I can slip away and write, mostly in a journal, sometimes only in my head. But the rest of my day is serving these little souls He's given me, and the one big soul called Doug that I am intertwined with.  It is serving, not selfing.  The small moments to myself are gifts, and they always come when most needed.  I don't have to force some "me time", I don't have to FIND the quiet time.  It just comes naturally in the ebb and flow of this life.  But every other moment is about them, or someone else.  And the joy that comes from this.....

Not the horizontal joy that causes belly laughs, and pained cheeks from smiling.  Its the guttural joy, the "Joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart" joy.  Yes, it exists.  And its only found when self is put aside.  My heart, my spirit,  my soul, are overflowed with joy.  It may not appear that way when you see the frustration in my jaw, or the tears crawling down my face, but the joy is still there.  It is a permanent joy, not up and down joy.  It is here to stay.

So yes, I do believe that Jesus has wrecked my life,

and I wouldn't have my life any other way.


Heres a picture of my precious angels posing for a picture together  Joy    Filled     Life

  

December 14th 2014

Farm happenings

I'm revamping the chicken coop again.  No eggs!!!!!!!  This is their last chance.......until what?  I have no clue. We can't butcher them and blame them for my poor coop setup/ cleanup/ whatever. So this is my last chance to get some kind of production before winter really sets in. I scoured the Internet for chicken coop setups yesterday and think I have some ideas.

Little kitty we are fostering for Karen, gave  us a scare yesterday. The poor sweet thing is skin and bones with a bloated belly. When I first picked it up, the only thing going through my head was- can this little thing survive??  Karen has, I believe, over 50 cats.  Her house and barn and property serve as a cat rescue, among other things. So if you are ever looking for a cat, please adopt from her!!!!  She needs all the help she can get. Anywho, back to yesterday. She smelled terribly so I dunked her in some warm water, which she of course hated. But after, I snuggled her and dried her off and loved on her. And then for the rest of the day, she didn't come out of her little cocoon I made her. No food, no water, no bathroom breaks. She has a respiratory illness and is getting over a huuuuggee infestation of worms. So I talked to Karen on the phone and she gave me my objectives- take temperature, get food in it, get fluids in it.  Temperature was normal, I got fluids down with a syringe and after a little coddling, she started to eat off my finger, then out of her dish. Oh, and I threw in a vaporizer treatment for her breathing.

And then there's the puppies. They are the cutest little things. But the peeing everywhere is getting to me. They're pretty good about going on the potty pads, and Katie is still cleanings up after them as she can, at least with the poo poo she is. She can't keep up with the pee I don't think.  They also have respiratory issues right now and are on antibiotics.

The greatest gift of these fostering experiences, through calves, puppies, chickens and cats, is the way the kids bloom in the experiences. They thrive and their little spirits awaken and I see completely new kids.

Tori was created for this. When she is with any animal, I can see the true purpose-ness seeping out of her. It all comes easy to her and her actions just flow from her heart.

When Trey is with the animals, he comes out of his  teenage shell. The sweet, naive little boy jumps out and we get to see him again.  He nurtures, he loves, he finds purpose. His soul gets purpose other than surviving the day and getting to the next life stage.

And then there's Evan. Evan loves the animals, and he also loves his Clara, but Evan does music. He drums on everything, sings to everything and dances for everything. During school time, discipline is required and he has to get a grip. But I'm thankful for the opportunity to homeschool, for during the rest of the day,  he can express this inner creativeness that wants to come parading out of him.

That's all for now

December 10th 2014

Farm Happenings

Chickens-  I've been in a disgusted state with our flock.  They stopped laying over a week ago.  I thought this was normal.  I accepted that it was just too cold, or too dark or whatever,.  But then my bosom friend neighbor proclaimed that she was getting around 9 eggs a day from her girls!  And then the disgust kicked in.  I was like a mad person, staring out the window, drinking my coffee, watching them go through the yard.  What used to be a cute little pack of renegades turned into a pack of free loaders.  And then my bosom friend neighbor said, "They wont lay if their boxes are dirty.  They want a tidy place to lay their eggs."  (Does she know who shes talking about?  They're the messiest animal we have on this farm)  But I went out today to do a makeover on the coop.  As I was removing poop from every inch of every surface visible, I noticed a small little indentation in the bedding....and in that indentation, were 4 eggs!  They were so disgusted with me and my farmer skills that they said, "We'll just make our own nesting place."  And as I held the eggs in my hand, my love for them began growing again.  I cleaned out their box and tried to get the top covered as best as I could, so when they roost over it, or near i,t or on it, they wont poop directly into it.  Were using milk crates, and have not been able to get the tops cut off, and anytime we put wood on it they knock it off.  So I moved the box out of the poop drop zone and hopefully this will help.

Bethel-  Because I'm in an extreme learning stage with Bethel, I have been treating her like a delicate spring flower.  Anytime the weather has been windy and cold, I haven't let her out.  Here on the hill, its always windy and cold so she had only been out romping around for a few hours a day.  Yesterday she had had enough.  Anytime she heard me open the back door of the house she started with her angry moo. So this morning, when I went out to do chores, I brought her to her line and said "Have at it sister!"  I thought, I'll go in, and in a few hours she'll be standing there all hunched over freezing to death and wanting to come in.  This of course, was not the case.  She happily grazed, and hopped around when the chickens came by her, and she scratched on trees and licked them as if they were her best friends.  She could have cared less about the cold.  I'm a dummy.  But like I said, we're in a learning phase of our relationship.  From now on, out she will go.  Unless of course the weather is terrible as it was on Halloween, then she'll continue to be my delicate spring flower.

Mama puppy, Kate, who we now call Katie, has been doing well.  Her puppies are starting to get more active every day, but still spend most of their time eating and sleeping.  We have been taking Katie out with Harley for walks to get them used to each other, and Harley has been a compleet gentleman.  He's very patient and sweet with her, giving her her space, and always remaining calm.  She's been a bit leery of him, but for the most part, has tolerated his good manners.  The puppies are around 3 weeks old, and will be with us for another 5 weeks.  The past week has been easy peasy, with Katie doing most of the work, but I think its about to get "real" in the next week or so.  We're ready, and Tori has been the absolute lead man on the project.  Shes been fantastic and has been tending to Katie and her puppies like a pro, as if this is what she was born to do.  Her heart is in it, and she is such a hard worker.  Evan has picked out his puppy and named her Clara.  Clara!!!  He is such an adorable darling.

The farm dreams, of a raw dairy business, have just about been put out.  Were lacking in so many things for the endeavor, land and financing to name just two.  When I first started to realize it, the devastation threw me into the depths of despair....for about an hour.  I was heavy hearted.  I thought this was what we were going to do with this property.  I thought that this was the plan.  But, we have such a good God, who knows exactly what hes doing, most especially, when we don't know what we're doing.  And I trust his plans more.  On Sunday at church, the pastor spoke about how Gods plans are always so backwards compared to ours, so upside down.  They are this infinite idea that we can't even dream up ourselves.  And I think that yes, he can give us glimpses of them sometimes, but for the most part,  I think he just shows up.  His perfect plan just shows up right in front of us, and we sit down and say "Ohhhh, now I get it." Our hearts overflow with gratitude and awe because we never knew where he was going, what direction he had planned all along.  So my measly little farm dream, is going to be so much more than I could have planned, plotted or schemed.  He gently sat me down, and said now watch me work.  And that's what we're doing.  In the meantime, we have Bethel, and we will have milk.  Milk for our family, milk to give away to those who need it, and milk to sell to those that want to buy it.  We still have milk, and if milk is the purpose of this place, than God will give us the only amount that we need.  Whether its from one cow or 5 cows, he'll be behind it.  And if milk is not the purpose of this place, then he will still provide us with whatever we need.  His plans and perfect will can never be thwarted, and that is such peace.  That our lives are in his hands, and nothing can take us away from him.  That no matter what happens, EVER, he is always holding us, he always knows the next step, he always has the whole thing under control.  In a world so out of control, how can one live without that.  How can those live around us without having their lives in his perfect palm.  How can one survive without him.  It wrenches my heart open to think of those trying to make it on their own. 

So, as for the plans of Green Gables, they are once again in his hand, they were always in His hand.  But I have surrendered them over to Him, once again. 

December 2nd, 2014 or "answered prayer"

For most of Evans 8th year of life he has begged us for a husky puppy. When the kids had to do a research report on their choice, Evan did his on Siberian Huskies. The computer is full of pictures of husky puppies that Evan has found and saved in random files. He's adorable.

Saturday we went to The Buckley Homestead. Santa was there.  Evan is over Santa. He knows he's fake and really thinks he's just "too cool" to even bother with the nonsense. But he was the youngest looking child with us that day so everyone googooed over him

and pushed him towards Santa. Evan, not wanting to be fully rude, just trudged over to the big man, hesitantly. He was too big to sit on his lap, so he kinda half stood/ half sat. And Santa asked him what he wanted, and he said "A husky".  Santa leaned back with an uncomfortable look on his face and said, "ohhhh well, animals are real hard to bring on the sleigh."  

Evan didn't look disappointed because he knew Santa was just an old man in a pretty convincing getup.  He thought that the husky would come from us.....but boy was he wrong.

So later that day I said "Evan, listen, if God brings a husky to our house, or across our path for you, daddy and I won't say no. So why don't you pray and ask God for a husky puppy."

Evan thought about it and said "ok."

I don't know when he prayed or how he did, I didn't make him do it in front of me. I just thought he would meet up with Jesus in his heart and they'd talk it out. 

 Today I was tagged in a fb post about a mama dog that needed a foster home for herself and her puppies. The mama looked pitiful, so sad and sweet. She looked almost like a beagly mix dog, so not too big, short hair. I called Doug and asked him and he said "why not."

So the gal from Alsip Nirsery brings the mama and her puppies and as she's getting the stuff out, Tori asks what kind of dog she is. She replies "we're not sure, but her puppies definitely look like huskies"

Yes

"Her puppies definitely look like huskies."  

Unbelievable

We bring them in, and the little suckers do

I said "Evan!  Can you believe God answered your prayer already?!?!?!"  

He just looked up and smiled at me with his toothless gappy grin.  

His sweet little child heart knows. He has that pure unblemished faith. 

What a grace filled reminder for my heart. To get back to that pure unblemished faith. 

A husky puppy....